"Life moves pretty fast. You don't stop and look around once in awhile, you could miss it." - Ferris Bueller

Thursday, December 14, 2006
The Annual Family Card
I apologize for the light blogging of late. I’m going to chalk it up to a very busy life coupled with a general lack of anything I really felt like writing about. Some months I’m a very prolific writer – some months I’m not. You get what you pay for and since I’m not actually getting paid for this, I do it when I feel like it.

Anyway, back to my original topic.

2006 is rapidly coming to a close and with the month of December has come the Christmas cards. I, of course, won’t get around to mailing my Christmas cards out for at least another week or so – but that’s nothing new. With these cards are sometimes included a letter giving the reader an update on the sender’s family and their accomplishments during this past year.

I don’t mean to sound like a cynic. Really, I don’t. Christmas is one of my favorite times of the year. I really get into the swing of things. Having said that, I rank the Year End Letters right up there with Fruit Cake. For some strange reason, some people feel the need to make their family letter glow almost as bright as their resume. Highlights are almost always overblown and accomplishments – no matter how slight – are embellished to the point that an honorable mention in the Chess Olympics comes out looking remarkably similar to a Nobel Prize. Some people even feel the need to write such a letter the font requires a 3x magnifying glass to be read.

Little Eddie amassed nearly 1,500 rushing yards on the football field this year! “But wait,” says I. “Isn’t Little Eddie seven-years-old? You’re trying to tell me somebody actually keeps stats for Pop Warner Football?” I could go on. You get the idea.

One of these years, I’m going to put out a test letter to see if anyone actually reads, let alone believes, the stuff put out in these Year End Letters. I’m going to put out a letter that trumpets the accomplishments of my family. As for me, I’m going to announce my Presidential appointment to an obscure but important sounding blue ribbon congressional panel. Corderinho will have discovered several new species of dolphin. Corderinha will shortly be announcing break-through research which will cure diabetes, cancer, and male pattern baldness. The Ravishing Mrs. Cordeiro will announce her selection as prima ballerina for the Bolshoi.

Personally, I think it would be interesting to see a) how many people actually read the spoof letter and, b) how many people would actually believe any of it.

Now if I can just convince the Ravishing Mrs. Cordeiro to join my evil plot.
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