Iranian Mullah Memo
Wouldn't this be refreshing honesty in the art of Intercultural Communications?
To: Iranian Mullahs with Nuclear Ambitions
Subject: Pushing Your Luck
Just in case you guys were wondering, I am aware of your nuclear ambitions. I am also aware of the fact that the agreement you signed with the European Union regarding the suspension of your nuclear program isn't worth the parchment its written on.
You may think me stupid, gullible, or just downright ignorant. In some ways, I guess you might be right.
You see, I can't remember - do I have four armored divisions in Iraq or was it five? In all the confusion and fog of war, I just can't be sure. I'm also not really clear on how many B-2 Bombers are in my arsenal. That's why I keep the Joint Chiefs close. They remember stuff like that for me.
That said, let me get to the point of this memo. I have a simple question for y'all.
Do you feel lucky? Well, do ya, punks?
I ask this question out of concern that you may not understand your predicament. You're looking down the business end of the most heavily armed, highly trained, battle ready, and ruthless fighting forces ever to be assembled on the face of the earth. It has the capability of returning you and your robed colleagues to the dust from whence you came without so much as breaking a sweat.
While you may think we're not capable to deal with the insurgency in Iraq and also take care of you and your nukes, I would caution you not to bet against the abilities of the United States Armed Forces. Don't take my word for it. Ask Saddam.
I know you're used to dealing with Chirac and the rest of the EU. You may be able to push your luck with them, but we play by different rules here in the US. You harbor, support, and otherwise cheer on terrorists and terrorism. We don't much like that here.
Don't push your luck.
Profuse apologies for the lack of posting over the holiday weekend. Most of my rather large family made themselves welcome at the Cordeiro Homestead and it was all I could do to make sure my house was still bolted to the foundations upon their departure.
I really like Thanksgiving. It is one of the truly American holidays about which the rest of the world understands very little - and I'm alright with that. Families gather from near and far to indulge in the Turkey day rituals. Much turkey is consumed, and football is played by those who would be safest watching it from the stands. I'm sure ERs around the country are filled with ankle and knee injuries sustained by wannabe Heiseman candidates.
And no, I'm not talking about the lack of football prowess made clear by the Dallas Cowboys.
This Thanksgiving also marked the passing of a modern American hero. Johnny Micheal Spann died on November 25, 2001.
Much time has passed since then, so I'll understand if that name doesn't ring a bell with you. Mike Spann lived a life that was spectacular to those people who actually knew what he did for a living. To those who did not need to know, he was just another ordinary guy. That's all part of the job description for an Operations Officer working for the CIA's Directorate of Operations.
You see, Mike Spann was the first casualty sustained by the United States in response to the events of September 11, 2001. Mike's boots were some of the first on the ground in Afghanistan. As a former Marine, combat operations were ingrained in Mike like driving is for most of the rest of us. His country called, he answered. It truly was that simple.
He was killed in action during a prison riot. The CIA broke a long standing tradition of secrecy in releasing some of the details surrounding his death to the public. His is one of the 83 stars adorning the CIA Memorial Wall at Langley. As a fallen Marine, he more than earned the right to be buried along side this nation's honored dead at Arlington National Cemetery.
As part of my Thanksgiving, I made a pilgrimage to Arlington. Mike's grave can be found in Section 34, Grave Number 2359. It sits on a slight rise overlooking the Pentagon and Northern Virginia. It is a fitting place for a hero.
This Thanksgiving, I give thanks for all those who defend this great nation at home, and abroad - especially those who have given the last full measure of devotion to their country.
Blessed are the Peacemakers, for they shall be called the children of God.
"Let me not mourn for the men who have died fighting, but rather let me be glad that such heroes lived." - Lt. General George S. Patton
Here endeth the lesson.
John Wayne goes to Chile
As you may or may not know, W was is Chile this week for a APEC summit meeting with various world leaders. Much of the good that came from these meetings has been eclipsed by the arrogant actions of a few Chilean security guards who attempted to separate W from his Secret Service detail.
For those of you unfamiliar with the in's and outs of a protective detail, this is a bad thing. The agent was justifiably upset and a scuffle followed. The Chileans wouldn't let him join W, and he was doing his best to get through to the man he is sworn to protect with his own life if necessary.
W, upon seeing the scuffle, waded into the fray, grabbed the agent by the collar and pulled him through the Chilean wall of thugs. Frenchified journalists around the world were stunned at the sight of the President of the United States acting in such a way.
The Washington Times reports that La Cuarta, a Santiago newspaper, described W's actions as a "total breach of protocol" and referred to him as "John Wayne...definitely acting like a cowboy."
Memo to La Cuarta: Thank you for your accurate description of our President. You see, we elected a "take charge" guy to lead our nation. We admire the traits of machismo he exhibits on the world stage. You can't push him, or his security detail around. W's actions in regard to the Secret Service Agent were a marked demonstration of determination and courage - roughly described in your tongue as cajones. The world would be much better off if more leaders had such traits.
By the way, there are far worse people to be compared to than John Wayne. Jacques Chirac comes to mind.
Here endeth the lesson.
For those of you familiar with my writing style, you know I am not prone to fits of political correctness. My commentary today will focus on the changing culture of the NBA from one of great athletes playing a great sport to one of thugs, who were it not for their ability to throw an orange ball through an iron hoop, would most likely be in solitary lockdown in a facility to be chosen by the state department of corrections.
Yesterday during a game between the Indiana Pacers and the Detroit Pistons, a fight broke out first between a player and a fan, and then escalated to a bench clearing brawl resulting in the suspension of nine or so players from both teams - some for the remainder of the season. You can read about the details here, if you choose.
Like most people, I heard about this game on the evening news. Why? Because I did not watch the game. I don't watch NBA games much anymore. Why? Mostly because I can't stand the people playing the game. This was not always the case.
It days far too long past, the game was played by men who played for the fans, for the love of the game, and for the fun of the whole NBA lifestyle. I'm not saying these guys were role models or anything of the sort. Guys like Larry Bird, Magic Johnson, Michael Jordan, Karl Malone, and John Stockton played the game like it should be played. They controlled their tempers, for the most part, and never would have launched themselves into the stands because someone threw a cup of ice at them. That kind of behavior was beneath such men.
What has changed? Youth and irresponsibility for one. The NFL doesn't allow high schoolers to enter the draft - for good reason. 18 year old kids don't have the maturity to play in the big leagues. College ball seasons them to the point they can, for the most part, be successful.
It seems to me that the NBA has been taken over by an inner-city gang mentality on the part of its players. When faced with a rowdy fan, they seek to unload on the fan instead of lighting up the scoreboard so the aforementioned fan has nothing to yell about. The immaturity among the ranks of the NBA players is stunningly obvious.
I miss the days when basketball was a beautiful sport to watch. I hope David Stern's suspensions will hold true and not be branded as a racist reaction to the brawl. I hope it can somehow turn back the clock on thugs who are ruining the once great institution of Professional Basketball.
Needless to say, I'm not holding my breath.
The Hunt for a Blue October
Oh, what a week it has been. Quick commentary, as Mrs. Cordeiro has a list of things for me to do today.
Although he had more class than Algore in the way he conceded defeat, he has evidently decided to follow his presidential loser mentor in coming up for reasons for his political demise. In classic Lurch fashion, he has taken several position on the matter. Here is a short and by no means complete list of blamable groups or individuals (according to Lurch):
Usama Bin Laden: Lurch claims (a view also held by Nancy "San Francisco Treat" Pelosi) that the Binny Laden video tilted more voters to W. While this is possibly true, Pelosi's claim that Lurch had a lead prior to the tape is not. I'd ask what planet she's on, but I'm not sure I want to know the answer.
Lurch Ground Forces
In a TV interview I saw on Fox (can't remember where they got it) Lurch says his ground game wasn't good enough. No, Lurch. Your ground game was fine. Ours was just better.
Foxnews, Sinclair Broadcasting, Swiftboat Veterans for Truth, and Right Wing Talk Radio
Market forces are very strong things, Lurch. People watch and listen to the above listed entities because they want to. For some reason, they find those sources more reliable than the MSM. I can't imagine why.
Yes, Lurch has blamed the media for its coverage of his campaign. Lurch, if their coverage were any more pro-left, they would've had you wearing their logos on that pristine Carhart jacket of yours.
Somewhere in a darkened democrat campaign bunker, an exhausted staffer is looking at these statements and repeating the immortal last words of the Executive Officer to the captain aboard the Soviet Alfa class submarine in The Hunt for Red October just before the Alfa is blown up by its own torpedo.
You arrogant ass, you've killed us!
And one final note.
Kudos to Peter Jennings for his interview with Bill Clinton on Primetime Live this week. He got under Clinton's skin by asking direct questions, and also calling der Schliekmeister on his obvious doubletalk. Clinton came unglued and lapsed into long disproved allegations of persecution. Claiming "You don't want to go there, Peter, not after what you and your network did, parroting the lies of Ken Starr..."
We've already been there, Bill. And that, despite everything in that double wide library of yours, is your legacy.
Here endeth the lesson.
Weeping, Wailing, and Gnashing of Teeth
Coming soon to a State Department office near you.
At least that is what the MSM would have you believe about the exit of Colin Powell (well done, soldier) and the entrance of Condolezza Rice as the new Secretary of State.
They will not focus on her outstanding resume and qualifications for this office. They will not mention how stunningly brilliant she is, or how she can advise the most powerful man in the world by day, only to follow that by moonlighting as Yo Yo Ma's pianist at night. I'm sure she has flaws, however the only disqualifying mark on her character in my view is her undying support of the Cleveland Browns.
Well, nobody is perfect.
Condolezza Rice started out in life with absolutely nothing. She went from being a share-cropper's daughter to holding a very distinguished position in the Bush 41 White House and also becoming Provost of Stanford University. As you can tell by her no-holds-barred slug fest before the 9/11 Commission, this woman takes no prisoners.
She faces a daunting task at State. Within the hallowed halls of Foggy Bottom and the consulates and embassies around the world are some of the most entrenched leftists in this country. I've dealt professionally with people in that Department. I've taken the Foreign Service Exam. I'm seriously not impressed with the State Department and believe people there have worked to undermine W's efforts on the world stage. In my capitalistic school of thought, those people have to go. My hope is that Condi cleans house there and helps put a better face on American Diplomacy.
Porter Goss faces much the same challenge at CIA. I have not had dealings with people at Langley - even if I had I wouldn't admit to it. The very fact that Goss had to issue a memo reminding Agency employees their job is to support the Administration and not work to further any ideological goals tells me all I need to know.
Culture change is hard. It is often painful. Excising the entrenched left wingers and their ideology from the halls of government will cause much weeping, wailing, and gnashing of teeth.
I hope they have good mental health and dental plans at State and CIA.
Much is being made today about the alleged 'execution' of an allegedly unarmed and wounded Iraqi insurgent in Falluja by a US Marine. The New York Times reports in some detail about this episode (in an unbiased manner of course - yeah right) evidently filmed by an embedded NBC reporter.
The linguini spined, frenchified pansies that make up the better part of the left leaning establishment have their collective undies in a bunch over this. "The wounded man was just defending himself and his country," they say. "The Marine must be punished for this egregious act of barbarism". These quotes are my own, but rest assured some left wing nut will use much the same language.
If you bother to wade through the New York Times piece, you'll find the following statement:
Mr. Sites reported that a marine in the same unit had been killed just a day earlier when he tended to the booby-trapped dead body of an insurgent.For the record - this is not a drug raid in South Central Los Angeles. This is a war. There are snap judgments to be made by men who are trained to do terrible things. These men have seen what this enemy can do. Far too many of their friends and countrymen have fallen prey to this enemy - an enemy who has no sense of honor or decency. Prisoners taken by our forces get a far better life than they had as insurgents. Prisoners taken by the insurgents are returned in body bags minus their heads.
That, dear reader, is the reality of war. You may not like it, you may not want to face it or own up to it. The reality of war is very unforgiving.
So, Mr. Linguini-spined Frenchified Left-Leaning Weenie, put yourself in the position of a US Marine storming an insurgent occupied Mosque in Falluja. In the past few days you have lost some of your best friends to booby-trapped wounded and corpses. Others of your unit have been seriously wounded by IEDs built by the people in this mosque.
You have a choice.
Choice #1 - You can take a chance on this guy, tie him up and leave him - all the while taking the additional chance that he may have booby trapped himself and wants to take you with him to see Allah and the 72 Virgins.
Choice #2 - You can shoot him. You live, he dies.
Remember, this is a pop quiz. You have five seconds to decide, maybe less. Procrastination can and will result in your immediate death.
In the end, it really depends on the value of a life. In my book, I'll take the life a US Marine over a slime ball insurgent terrorist bent on killing as many Americans as possible every single day of the week. It really is that simple.
Well done, Marine. Semper Fi.
Here endeth the lesson.
The Politics of Victory
The Democrats, left leaning pundits, and liberals in general are bemoaning the election results of 2004. The pitch of their whining is remarkably similar to that of their 2000 whine-a-thon, the echoes of which can still be heard in what is left of blue-state America.
They do not consider W's winning of this election to have any bearing on the course of this country. 287 Electoral Votes is not enough for them. 60 million popular votes and 51% of the electorate is not enough for them. The normal governance of this country is to be done under liberal democratic leadership. Every election since 1994 (Clinton's re-election in 1996 not with standing) has been an aberration in the political space-time continuum. Eventually, they say, America will return to her senses and put the proper people back in power.
Minority political status must do terrible things to the liberal psyche.
W won the election. He won a majority of the popular vote. His main political adversary, the former senator from South Dakota "Tiny" Tommy Daschle was retired by his own state electorate.
Memo to Senator Harry Reid (D-NV): You might want to consider one thing before following in the footsteps of Tiny Tommy. You are a blue senator from a decidedly red state. Look very closely at that object atop the pike stuck deep in the White House lawn. Yes, that is Tiny Tommy's political head. If you don't want yours next to his, play ball.
W has a very interesting strategy for his second term. He actually plans to accomplish those things he promised to do in the campaign. I know this is a shocking strategy for most liberals. Look for big things to come across the Potomac in the next four years.
Regardless of what the left may think, or even dream, W won the election - convincingly, decidedly, and unapologetically. 60 million votes and 51% of the electorate translate in to one very simple and understandable word.
Say it with me now:
Here endeth the lesson.
Friday Night Lights
Football is the greatest game played on the earth. If you have any doubts about that, go see Friday Night Lights.
The movie tells the story of the 1988 Odessa Permian Football Team. Odessa is a small town in West Texas. For those of you unfamiliar with the religiosity of football in Texas, remember this fact. Most high school stadiums in Texas have room for a crowd roughly double or triple the actual number of residents in the town. Each Friday, every seat is full. Fans are ferocious. The line between hero and chump is divided along the win/loss column. State Champions are held in an esteem that closely rivals that of deity.
Friday Night Lights spins a yarn that could be found about any high school team. Every team has its star player, silent workhorse, and glory hound specialist. Every team has one or more players who must come to grips with the reality of season and career ending injuries. All these egos must come into harmony on (and off) the playing field. In no other sport do 11 players try to coordinate their movements towards a common goal.
What does football teach? Teamwork, primarily. But it also teaches something far more important. Football teaches you that, no matter how often you are knocked down, spun around, or otherwise have your clock cleaned, you get up. You get up, go back to the huddle, and get back on the line. Its no use complaining about the last failed play, or gloating about the yardage you just gained. Why? Because in a few seconds that big, ugly, and terrorizing lineman across from you is going to come at you again. Football does not allow for interpretations of the events on the field. You either get the first down, or you don't. You either score, or you don't. Everyone is given the same amount of time. Its what you do with that time that matters.
Tonight, across America, millions of people will pour into high school stadiums to cheer on their favorite team. Games will be decided by last minute field goals and plays run on fourth down with inches to go. Football, like life, is a game of inches.
In the end, the Odessa Permian team fell short of the State Championship by about a half-yard. I know how that feels. It is really hard to walk away from a game you've played your whole life knowing you'll never strap on the pads again.
So that's why every August I make a point to drive by High Schools in the late afternoon. It reminds me of what I miss - the guys, the girls, the game.
And most of all, I miss the lights on Friday night.
There are those among us for whom this day brings special remembrance. They are they who answered their country's call in time of war. They are they who put their lives on the line in defense of freedom. They traveled to lands far distant to liberate people they did not know and whose language they did not speak. They left their youth, childhood, and friends on battlefields where today children play and families live.
For the most part their sacrifice is borne largely in silence. They go about their lives, raise their families and do their business just like you or I would and do. Never the less, it is on days such as today their memories of friends long dead and battles long forgotten come to the surface.
Today flags will be flown, cemeteries will be visited, and cannon will fire not in anger but in salute to those brave soldiers, sailors, airmen and marines - living and dead - who answered the call of an ever grateful nation. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this. And so we shall.
Today, remember those who have fought for this country. Pray for them, and also pray for those peacemakers who today find themselves in harm's way once again doing what they do best - Protecting, defending, and liberating.
Good luck, Godspeed, and Good Hunting.
The Bell Tolls for Arafat
It is sad to know that the death (finally) of one man may serve as a catalyst to bring a semblance of peace to a region defined by war.
Yasser Arafat has long served as little more than an obstacle for peace and a catalyst for terrorism. As much as I hate to disagree with Jimmy Carter, Arafat was not a "powerful human symbol" for uniting Palestinians in their pursuit of a homeland. He was a man who fought tirelessly for the destruction of the only democracy in the Middle East. He was a man who funded and otherwise encouraged the systematic use of suicide bombing as a way to get his point across.
He was a terrorist. He was a murderer. He was a despicable human being. He oppressed the people he claimed to fight for. He lowered them so as to raise himself. I do not mourn his passing. I, and I believe I am not alone, am glad he is dead and hope his successor will actually do something constructive for the Palestinian people and pursue a lasting peace with Israel. Hope springs eternal.
Good riddance Yasser.
Here endeth the lesson.
Bad News for Arafat
You know you're in bad shape when people go out of their way to inform the news media that you are not dead yet. Such is the scene outside some military hospital in France:
Cart Man (clanging a gong): Bring out your dead! Bring out your dead!
Wannabe Palestinian Leader (WPL): Here he is. Take him away.
Arafat: I'm not dead!
WPL: Oh yes you are.
Arafat: No, I'm not. I'm not dead! I'm feeling much better now. I think I'll go for a walk!
WPL: Can't he just up and die already?
Arafat: I feel happy!
Its just a matter of time. Maybe the Palestinians will put up someone who can seriously negotiate for peace. I know its a long shot. Never give up all hope.
On to more serious subjects.
I have read much regarding the whirlwind of controversy surrounding Senator Arlen Specter (r-Pa). I personally don't care for Specter, especially after his somehow finding a way to vote against convicting Clinton by somehow finding an obscure Scottish precedent for finding a case not proved.
I like the guy even less after he "warned" W against appointing Pro-Life judges to the federal bench. This from a guy who, were it not for the support of W, would not have made it past the primary. If he were somehow denied the chairmanship of the Senate Judiciary Committee, I don't think I'd shed too many tears.
That said, Hugh makes a good argument for Specter as chairman. Read it, and make up your own mind.
Finally, and most importantly, US soldiers, sailors, airmen, and marines, together with Iraqi military forces (how's that for allies, Lurch?) are in harms way as I write this. They are, at long last, pressing forward to rid Falluja of the insurgent terrorist element that has plagued that city for far too long.
Let us pray for their safety and ultimate victory. To them, I say thank you. Good luck, Godspeed, and Good Hunting.
Here endeth the lesson.
Here's Your Sign - Appendix
Seems that about 85 Boulder High School Students have locked themselves up in the school library until GOP leaders personally come out to "reassure" them.
We want them to reassure us that our fears are misguided and that the government is doing everything in its power to prevent our futures from being destroyed- Brian Martens, Boulder HS Class of 2005
Memo to Mr. Martens:
Perhaps if you actually read and understood the concepts, policies, and underpinnings of the election this past Tuesday, you'd realize the folly of what you're doing. You want someone to come out and reassure you that your future is not being destroyed.
Brian, you make your future. The man sitting in the Oval Office does not. I was once like you - a high school student in Colorado. I listened to the doomsayers of that era - the same ones who said Reagan would start a nuclear war and put our economy in the toilet - in that order. I remember learning about how the national debt would ruin my life and rob me of any possibility of prosperity. And yes, just after I graduated from that Colorado high school, my country went to war amid the chorus of detractors claiming body bags would come back by the hundreds of thousands and my generation would be decimated.
Newsflash - I survived, I prospered. All this despite the best efforts of those who told me I would fail.
So, my young friend, go forth from Boulder and prosper. You'll find the world outside the city limits is far better than you are led to believe. Today, I'm sorry to say, you don't get your sign. You have a lot to learn, mostly because of what the people who educate and influence you have done a piss poor job.
It is to them collectively, and James Vacca (Boulder High School Teacher) specifically, that I direct the following commentary. Mr. Vacca made the following statement:
In an age where narcissistic college students riot in an inarticulate drunken stupor, you have students here at Boulder High School, principled, thoughtful and yet scared of four more years of pre-emptive war, the Patriot Act and an increase in militarism at school through the No Child Left Behind Act.Mr. Vacca, you are truly a disgrace to the teaching profession. You have done little but regurgitate the union thug democratic party talking points given to you by the NEA or NFT. You do not understand the concept of pre-emptive war, nor have you read or do you understand the Patriot Act. I suggest you stop indoctrinating your students to your left-wing world view and get back to teaching them. That is after all your duty as an educator. Here's your sign.
Here endeth the lesson.
Here’s Your Sign
Bill Engvalls is a very successful stand up comic whose trademark schtick centers around the following premise:
Stupid people should have to wear signs that just say, "I'm Stupid". That way you wouldn't rely on them, would you? You wouldn't ask them anything. It would be like, "Excuse me...oops, never mind. I didn't see your sign."With apologies to Mr. Engvalls, I’m going to shamelessly plagiarize his line and start applying it to misguided, linguini-spined, frenchified, left wing politicians, pundits, and like minded “induhviduals” who cannot for the life of them see the trends inherent in the election results of this past Tuesday.
(By the way, I’ll probably turn this into a weekly contest, so feel free to submit your entries by Thursday to firstname.lastname@example.org)
As the election season has come to a close this week, there are several entries to review:
1. Congresswoman Nancy “San Francisco Treat” Pelosi.
I swear this woman’s face never moves. She looks like she’s in a perpetual state of surprise – and given the election results, I can see how this could be true.
Her entry: "I always said, on any given day, I thought that the opportunity was there for us to take back the House, and on that day, we would. It wasn't there on Election Day. I don't consider it a black eye. I think we held our own on what wasn't a very good day for the Democrats."
Memo to the San Francisco Treat – Denial isn’t just a river in Egypt. Here’s your sign.
2. New York Time Columnist Maureen Dowd
Her most recent column borders on qualifying run at the lunatic fringe – not that she doesn’t own a good chunk of real estate there anyway.
Her entry: "Just listen to Dick (Oh, lordy, is this cuckoo clock still vice president?) Cheney, introducing the Man for his victory speech: "This has been a consequential presidency which has revitalized our economy and reasserted a confident American role in the world." Well, it has revitalized the Halliburton segment of the economy, anyhow. And "confident" is not the first word that comes to mind for the foreign policy of a country that has alienated everyone except Fiji.
Vice continued, "Now we move forward to serve and to guard the country we love." Only Dick Cheney can make "to serve and to guard" sound like "to rape and to pillage."
Where to start. Look, Maureen. W and Big Time beat your boy Lurch like a Bongo Drum. (No, Hugh, I’m not paying you a dollar for that line.) Perhaps you and your consorts over there in the Jayson Blair wing of the journalistic dust bin need to realize that a 4 million vote margin is a mandate from the people. Here’s your sign.
3. Exit Pollsters
This country doesn’t have a majority of liberal women as the dominant political force, despite the efforts of NOW. Your efforts to enable the MSM to in their effort to tilt the election toward Lurch was blatantly obvious. We remember from the 2000 election and won’t be fooled into giving up before the fat lady sings. Here’s your sign.
Here endeth the lesson.
Election Post Mortem
There are several post-mortems of Election 2004 out today. Check out Howard Fineman for a broad look. Then go see Ryan Lizza for the story of how the SS Lurch went from victorious elation to stunning defeat in less than 12 hours.
Live by the exit poll, die by the actual tally.
Will the last person leaving the Kerry-Edwards Headquarters please turn out the lights?
As much as it pains me to do so, I must offer my heartfelt thanks to Senator Kerry.
Thank you, Senator, for avoiding a long, drawn out, protracted and litigated end to this election cycle. You could have done it. It was within your rights to do so. Somewhere inside you found the guy who didn't want to go down in history as an Algore. For this, I have no doubt that the nation is truly grateful. You took the statesman's exit. Well done.
As elections are as close as we get (thankfully) to Civil War in this country, I am reminded of the remarks of Abraham Lincoln as he began his second term:
Here endeth the lesson.
With malice toward none, with charity for all, with firmness in theright as God gives us to see the right, let us strive on to finish the work weare in, to bind up the nation's wounds, to care for him who shall have borne thebattle and for his widow and his orphan, to do all which may achieve and cherisha just and lasting peace among ourselves and with all nations.
Memo to Senator John F. Kerry (D-MA)
I thought it appropriate that on a serious day such as today, I would put all kidding and nicknames aside and speak to you respectfully - as much as possible.
Today millions of Americans are lined up outside polling places in cities, towns, villages, and precincts all across this great nation. They will, as is their right, cast their votes to decide who will have the honor of leading the United States for the next four years. And, while it is pretty obvious for whom I intend to pledge my support, I thought it important to inform you, sir, of a very important fact - to me at least.
You don't get my vote!
You don't get my vote because I don't believe you can be trusted to put America's best interests in the forefront of your priorities. I think you're more concerned with being liked and popular in Europe than you are in protecting and defending America's interests at home and abroad.
You don't get my vote because I simply cannot afford you. The vast majority of Americans, me included, have to work for a living, Senator. We weren't born to privilege and didn't marry wealth (twice). We work hard for what we have, and we don't like snobby, high minded, limousine liberals like you and Maria Teresa Thierstein Simões-Ferreira Heinz Kerry (deep gasp for breath) telling us we're not paying our fair share.
You don't get my vote because I want the President of the United States to do whatever is necessary to hunt down, kill, or otherwise liquidate terrorists. I'm not interested in someone who pledges to wage "a more sensitive war."
You don't get my vote because you betrayed those with whom you went to war. I will not here debate the merits or reasons behind the Vietnam War. I will, however, let you know that I spent the better part of my youth living on or near military bases. I knew the Vietnam widows and their children were my playmates and friends. They would have given anything to have had just one more summer afternoon with the men you derided as rapists, pillagers, and criminals "reminiscent of Genghis Khan." You stood atop their memory and shamelessly used them as a ticket to power. For that, Senator, there is no vindication.
You don't get my vote because you have no core, no center, and no foundation. After 20 years in the United States Senate, you have accomplished slightly less than nothing. You have no legacy. You will be remembered as only as an "Also-Ran".
And finally, Senator, you don't get my vote because I don't think I could live in the world your policies would have created. Had you presided over the United States for the past 20 years, our Armed Forces would indeed be fighting with Spit Balls. The Soviet Union would still exist, the Cold War would still be raging, and Latin America would have been over run by communists years ago. Saddam Hussein would still be in power, and Kuwait would have become Iraq's 19th province.
I'm sorry, Senator. You don't get my vote. I need a leader I can respect, trust, and feel good supporting. That man is not you.
Here endeth the lesson.
Electoral Vote Predictions
After much consideration, it has been decided to remove the link to the Electoral Vote Predictor site that until today resided along the right hand side of this blog. Anyone who believes Lurch has 280+ Electoral Votes in the bag is smoking way too much crack.
Please visit RealClearPolitics for the best up to the minute poll results.
Seabiscuit & Election Day
For those of you who have neither read Laura Hillenbrand's Seabiscuit: An American Legend or seen the movie of the same title, this post will make little sense. Repent, read, see and understand.
Seabiscuit loved to toy with his opponents. On the home stretch of the race, he would pull even with his opponent - the most notable of which was War Admiral - look the horse dead in the eye, and then pull away leaving that horse in a cloud of dust. It truly was a sight to see.
The final few days of this election cycle can be likened to this horserace. The candidates are neck and neck (or so the MSM would have you believe). W is staring down Lurch, and I believe he will pull away and win the election with a few states to spare.
It is striking to see the Cheering Section for Lurch, once commonly referred to as the Main Stream Media. Last week they had their collective orgasm over the return of Bill "Wilhelm von der Schleikmeister" Clinton to the stage. They covered Lurch's Springsteen Concert as if it were Simon and Garfunkle in Central Park. They now claim Lurch has momentum in the final days of the election.
For Lurch to have momentum, he would first have to possess a pulse.
Here endeth the lesson.