Wednesday, March 03, 2004
On Super Tuesday:
Well, it looks like Lurch has all but sown up the democratic nomination for president. I doubt that even a Howie style meltdown could keep him from heading up the ticket against W come November. Even Hillary woke up this morning and decided to endorse Lurch. A Lurch-Hillary ticket is not beyond the realm of imagination.
According to exit poll data, the number one priority of democrats voting in the primary election across the country was to unseat W from his seat in the oval. Seems to me their rallying cry is ABB – “Anybody But Bush”.
That, my dear liberal readers, will not be enough. Let’s set aside the fact that Lurch has about as much rallying charisma as a rock. Also leave aside the fact his greatest accomplishment in life has been marrying rich – twice. I’ll even let you skip over the fact that in his two decades in the Senate, not one major piece of legislation bears his name or co-authorship.
You see, we (as in the Republicans) tried the ABC (Anybody But Clinton) approach in 1996. We nominated Bob Dole, who along with Jack Kemp, lost to Wilhelm von der Schliekmeister. Dole was a war hero while Lurch was still in liberal indoctrination camps. That being said, being anti-Clinton was not enough to beat the Clinton machine.
Lurch offers nothing more than anti-W sentiment. That along with a promise to raise taxes, turn foreign policy over to French bureaucrats, and generally return to a more spineless nation will do little to win over the hearts and minds of a nation at war.
The one thing I won’t let go is a very glaring fact that Lurch will do everything in his power to gloss over. He was recently named the Senate’s most liberal member. He’s even further left than Teddy ‘Dude, where’s my Scotch’ Kennedy and Hillary ‘VP Wannabe’ Clinton.
Who says you can’t learn something new every day.
Here endeth the lesson.