"Life moves pretty fast. You don't stop and look around once in awhile, you could miss it." - Ferris Bueller

Wednesday, March 31, 2004
On Al Franken:

Al “Cheap Shot” Franken is taking to the airwaves today on America’s newest and least listened to liberal radio network Air America. If you weren’t aware of this, don’t be surprised. Most of the radio listening audience in America won’t be able to pick Al’s show out of the dial.

I could go into why this venture will fail, but I will defer to Jay Severin. He’s got the numbers and supporting data. Unlike Al, I quote my source when I use one. Al “Cheap Shot” Franken hasn’t had an original thought in years.

For those of you who don’t know Al, I’ll provide you a quick biography. He’s a washed up comedian turned political satirist. His most memorable role stems from Saturday Night Live where he made a career portraying Stuart Smalley – a graduate of several twelve step programs. The more I learn about Al, the more I think art was imitating life. He starred in a movie Stuart Saves His Family, obviously based on the SNL character. If you didn’t see the movie, you’re not alone. I believe the total audience for that film barely crept into the double digits.

He’s since written a book which I will not link to. Had it not had the Maha Rushie’s name on the cover, it would’ve sold 15 copies. He now takes shots at politicians and has used his 15 minutes of fame to get his distorted mug on the air whenever possible.

Now he has taken it upon himself to “take back” the airwaves from the radical right. Air America is bought and paid for by liberals who think that if they just start talking, everyone will stop listening to Rush, Sean, Hugh, and the rest of the right leaning talk shows out there and finally come to their senses.

I again refer you to my treatise on rights. Everyone has a right to speak. No one has the right to be heard.

I will make a bold prediction here. America will great Al & Company with a yawn. Sure, there will be an initial spike in interest, just to see what sewage they spew forth. The media will listen, but radio is a very tough business. Media attention does not a successful radio show make. Al’s demographic (long haired, dope smoking, maggot infested, FM types) doesn’t listen to talk radio anyway. Eventually bills will have to be paid. In the end, market forces will rule the day, and Al will be reduced to trying to cheap shot campaign protestors in order to get the attention he so greatly craves..

So, good luck, Al. You’re going to need it. Actually, you’re going to need more than that. You’re going to need listeners and market share. Market forces are very stubborn things, and no matter how loud you scream, you’re going to find out one very stark reality.

You’re not good enough. You sure as hell aren’t smart enough, and doggone it, people just won’t give a rat’s ass what you’re talking about.

Here endeth the lesson.

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