Tuesday, February 03, 2004
On Bringing out the Dead:
A man pulling a cart laden with the corpses of democratic presidential campaigns is making its way through the American countryside this week. On the cart you find the campaign of Carol “Movin’ on up” Mosely-Braun. Soon there will be more of the nine to fall.
A cry flies forth from the cart driver:
Bring out your dead!
The gong clangs.
Bring out your dead!!
I believe one, possibly two campaigns will be added to the cart this week. The first is Joe Lieberman. Sad, really. I kinda like the guy even though he shilled for Algore. Too conservative for Mcauliff and company. Another will most likely be Wesley ‘Wanna See my Stars?’ Clark.
Speaking of Terry ‘I’m not a party chairman, but I play one on CNN’ Mcauliff, he’s the one pushing a few of these campaigns toward the cart.
Bring out your dead! Bellows the cart driver as he drives past the Dean campaign headquarters. Terry pushes Dean toward the cart.
Dean protests, I’m not dead!
Terry – Yes you are! You’ve been dead since Iowa!
Dean – But I’m feeling better! I think I’ll go for a walk to North Dakota. I’m sure I’ll do better there!
Terry – to the cart pusher – When will you be back around?
Cart pusher – A week after the next primary. Maybe sooner.
Terry – Oh he’ll be stone cold dead by then!
Dean – I feel happy!! I feel happy!!
Terry searches for a crowbar as the cart pusher moves on.
Signs of life, though week, persist in the camp of Edwards, though the stench of death is so pervasive around the Kucinich camp that no one dares knock at the door. Clark and Sharpton are deemed to silly to bother throwing on the cart. ‘Lurch’ Kerry is the flavor of the month, although the cart pusher can swear he took Kerry to the bone yard years ago. He borrows a line from Governor Schwarzenegger’s last movie The Sixth Day:
Doesn’t anybody stay dead anymore?
Here endeth the lesson.