Friday, January 30, 2004
On John Kerry’s use of face and mind altering substances:
Various reports over the past few days have accused John ‘Lurch’ Kerry of indulging in muscle paralyzing ‘botox’ treatments in order to smooth out his face. I’ve seen the photos, and either Lurch has ironed out his face, or he’s gone under the needle. After all, one can only do so much with foundation and lighting.
My concern is about the possible mind altering effects of botox. You see, Lurch has evidently lost his mind. To him, the threat of terrorism is overblown. I quote the following from Lurch’s most recent rant:
"I think there has been an exaggeration. They are misleading all Americans in a profound way."
Lurch has also evidently lost his memory. Perhaps the botox has erased from his recollection the smoldering mound of concrete and steel which has now become a gaping hole in the heart of New York City. Maybe the reconstructed Pentagon looks so good he doesn’t remember the flag draped, scorched ruin of the eastern wall. I remember, Lurch. And I am not alone.
It really pains me when I have to agree with John ‘The Breck Girl’ Edwards, but shortly after Lurch’s rant, Edwards had this to say:
"It's just hard for me to see how you can say there's an exaggeration when thousands of people lost their lives on September 11th.” He went on to put his foot in his mouth after that, but I’ll let The Breck Girl slide – for today.
Lurch would do well to listen to his rival. Not likely, as the botox may have paralyzed not only his higher memory functions, but also his auditory processing center. Keep talking, Lurch. You obviously learned nothing from Howie.
Here endeth the lesson.