Wednesday, September 24, 2003
On Dennis J. Kucinich:
Some of you may be asking, “Just who the hell is Dennis J. Kucinich?” Perhaps I should substitute ‘most’ for ‘some’. If you don’t live in Ohio’s 10th Congressional District, don’t feel bad. Hell, if you do live in that district, you may never have heard of the guy. OK, enough suspense. Like most democratic members of the House and Senate, Dennis J. Kucinich is running for President.
Here are the top five reasons Ted Kennedy will show up sober on the Senate floor before Dennis J. Kucinich becomes president:
5. How the hell do you pronounce Kucinich?
4. Did he actually pay money for that rug? (bottom left corner of the page)
3. Ted Kennedy makes more sense even after his morning fifth of Jack.
2. He’s unidentifiable outside of Ohio.
And now, the number one reason why Dennis J. Kucinich will never move to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue is
From the September 24, 2003 edition of the Washington Post, buried in the middle of a huge article criticizing Bush’s UN performance, is the following quote:
Rep. Dennis J. Kucinich (D-Ohio), another presidential candidate and a vocal opponent of the war from the outset, demanded a pullout from Iraq as "the only way to ensure true peace and stability in the region."
Now, Dennis, let me get this straight. We just went in there, fought a war, liberated a wholly oppressed country, and deposed a dictator. Now you want us to pack up the infantry, load the tanks back on the ships, and leave. Never mind the fact that Iraq is literally surrounded by militiant Islamic wackos just waiting for a place to base terrorist ops from. Does the concept of ‘power vacuum’ mean anything to you? How exactly, Dennis, is this supposed to create stability? Is there something in the water there in Cleveland, or is your skull just a tad thicker than the average moron?
Normally, I wouldn’t give people like Dennis the time of day or waste valuable blogspace on his naïve ignorance. But, after checking his presidential website, I decided the quote above is probably the most profound thing ever to leave his vocal cavity.
Dennis, your village called. They want their idiot back.
Here endeth the lesson.