"Life moves pretty fast. You don't stop and look around once in awhile, you could miss it." - Ferris Bueller

Monday, August 25, 2003
 
On Florida 2000, California 2003, and elections in general:

Some flake by the name of Timothy Noah wrote a piece for Slate that’s hardly worth the cyberspace upon which it is published. Slate hardly merits the bandwidth it consumes, and Noah is a good example of why that site has never and will never make a thin dime. There are so many erroneous statements masquerading as fact in this piece that I scarcely have time to refute them all. Unlike Mr. Noah, I have real work to do.

Two things:

1. “The real villain of the Long Count, though, was neither the Democrats nor the Republicans. It was the Electoral College, which denied Gore the presidency even though he won the popular vote. Let’s get rid of it.”

Mr. Noah, your guy lost Florida. Get over it. Get over yourself. Every single re-count, official, unofficial, and just plain whacked, shows Bush won Florida. Take out the felons, illegal aliens, and dead people voting democratic and the vote wouldn’t have even been close. The above statement may offend, as it was meant to, but both you and I know it to be true.

One thing you really should come to grips with: Gore didn’t even carry his home state, Tennessee. Had he done this, Florida would not have mattered in the slightest. Gore never closed the deal with middle America, and that, Mr. Noah, is why he is now pretending to lecture at UCLA and introducing himself as the man who ‘used to be the next President of the United States.’ I personally hope he enjoys his retirement.

As for the Electoral College: Hillary Clinton made the same promise shortly after being elected. The quote read: “The first legislation I will sponsor will be a bill abolishing the Electoral College.” One would think someone as smart as Hillary, or Mr. Noah for that matter, would understand the complexities of such and undertaking. As they obviously missed the high school class on the subject of the Electoral College, let me summarize:

The Electoral College is a constitutionally mandated organization. In order to eliminate it, the Constitution to which the Electoral College owes its existence must be amended. The amending process is, by design, very, very difficult. Not only must you convince a three-fifths majority of both houses of congress, but you also must convince the same percentage of state legislatures. Now, Mr. Noah, please tell me that, in your wildest left winged liberal dreams, you can convince states like Iowa, Utah, Idaho, Colorado, Wyoming, Montana, North and South Dakota, Louisiana, Kansas, Kentucky, Ohio, Nebraska, and New Mexico to give up the great equalizing power of their Electoral Votes to let people in New York and California elect the President. Let’s get rid of it. Sorry, Tim. Ain’t that simple. Thank God.

2. The California Recall:
As a former resident and still registered voter in the Golden State, I can personally tell you that Governor Grayout Doofus (a colloquial regional pronunciation of Gray Davis) is by far the worst governor that ever managed to get his sorry butt elected. He took a large budget surplus and managed, through excessive spending and outright waste, fraud, and abuse, to turn it into a deficit bigger than all other states combined (not including New York, of course). He so completely bungled the ‘energy crisis’ that my student loans will be paid off before California’s electric bill will be. He cooked the books to get re-elected in 2002. Companies, people, and wildlife are fleeing the state in droves because of the anti-business, anti-family, confiscatory tax structure Davis and his democratic controlled legislature has put in place. Now, you may ask “people and business are leaving California just because of this?” Yes, they are. I was one of them.

You may not agree with the recall process of California. Tough. It’s the law and it’s been on the books since 1911 along with the referendum process that also pisses the hell out of otherwise friendly liberals. Maybe it’s just me, but it seems liberals only like the rule of law when it suits their purpose.

Davis has been exposed for the fraud he is. The people got together and used a legal tool they voted for themselves. Government receives power and authority from the people, not the other way around. Republicans aren’t stealing elections they can’t win. They are simply using a legal tool at their disposal. With a 29% approval rating, Davis is as good as gone. The only question remaining is will it be Arnold or Bustamante? Lacking anything else, it will be a fun show to watch.

So, Timmy Boy, find something else to write or complain about before they turn the lights, servers, and soft drink machines off over there at Slate. In the immortal words of Dennis Miller, “if my yawn gets any larger, the National Weather Service will have to name a hurricane after it.”

Here endeth the lesson.

Tuesday, August 12, 2003
 
It's not my fault!

Check out Dave Barry's piece on the real culprit behind excessive weight gain.
 
On the over protection of children:

As a father of two, I find this article by Mark Cloud to be very informative and downright hilarious. Enjoy!
Tuesday, August 05, 2003
 
On Syria and Iran:

Not that I expect anyone from Syria or Iran to read this, but with the wonders of the web, one never really knows where the written word will go.

I have one question for these two countries. Do you feel lucky?

I ask this after reading various news articles about these two nations, both of which have been proven time and time again to harbor, protect, fund, and other wise support terrorists. Secretary Powell has already warned Syria. Iran has recently refused to hand over senior al-Qaida members. So I ask them, “Do you feel lucky?”

Are there four armored divisions in Iraq, or only three? You know, in all the fog of war and the confusion that follows it, I’ve kind of lost track myself. Either way, you’re both looking down the barrel of the finest, most lethal, well trained military force ever to be assembled in the history of warfare. Its no secret that any part of this force has the capability of blowing both of your puny, backwards, tin horn dictatorships off the face of the earth with very little effort. Add to that the fact the 4th Infantry Division is feeling kind of left out because they spent most of the spring bobbing around in ships off the coast of Turkey.

Now there’s a chance we might just leave you two alone. Then again, Saddam thought the same thing. He went from having his choice of palaces to sleep in to sharing a sand pit with any number of his closest associates – all of whom are wondering what they could do with $25 million in change.

Again, I ask – “Do you feel lucky?”

Well, do ya? Punks?

Monday, August 04, 2003
 
On Preemption:

Everything I need to know about dealing effectively with international conflict I learned from Jimmy Malone. Those of you schooled in the field of international relations my scratch your head and search your scholastic database for a biography on this individual. Save the effort. You won’t find him.

Jimmy Malone is a fictional character from the 1989 motion picture The Untouchables starring Kevin Costner and Sean Connery, among others. Connery plays the touch Irish cop Malone, a role for which he earned an Academy Award for Best Supporting Actor. If you haven’t seen the flick, watch TNT on a Saturday night – its normal weekend late night fodder.

The first piece of Malone wisdom is found in the church scene where Eliot Ness (Costner) meets up with Malone (Connery). During the exchange Malone asks Ness if he really wants to get Al Capone. Ness answers affirmatively and Malone imparts the following advice:

‘You wanna get Capone? I’ll tell you how to get Capone. If he pulls a knife, you pull a gun. He sends one of yours to the hospital; you send one of his to the morgue. That’s the Chicago way. That’s how you get Capone.’

Notice the lack of negotiation, compromise, and appeasement. Malone knew what kind of man he was up against. Capone was a thief, murderer, and in his own way a terrorist. There was no room for a negotiated settlement with him or his gang of thugs. One side or the other had to see its way to complete and total victory before any type of peaceful return to order could be accomplished.

So it is with terrorist organizations and rouge states. Ours is a world unfortunately governed by the aggressive use of military force. No, we can’t all just get along, light the campfires and sing kum-by-ya together. Those of you who believe such a world is possible, more power to you. Just get out of the way while those of us who must live and deal in reality get the job done.

You see, with freedom comes responsibility. In a scene shortly after his encounter with Ness, Malone meets up with an accountant who has taken up residence in Ness’ office. Malone, on his way to take out a distillery, gives the accountant a look and the following exchange takes place:

Malone: ‘Do you carry a badge?’
Accountant: ‘Yeah.’
Malone: (Shoving a shotgun in his face) ‘Carry a gun.’


The world of international relations is full of empty threats (political, economic, and military) that mean nothing. Why? Because everyone involved fully understands these threats are just that and will never come to fruition. Many nations carry badges, some carry guns. Few are willing to use those guns to back up what they say.

This is, in my opinion, what has changed with the ongoing War on Terror. For years, decades actually, terrorist attacks have gone unanswered for the most part. Sure, US officials, presidents, vice-presidents, secretaries of state and on down the line have threatened retribution for acts of terrorism perpetrated upon US citizens and interests. For example, the Iranians responsible for taking hostages at the Tehran US embassy have never been held to account, nor those militant Islamic terror organizations responsible for the bombing of the US Marine barracks in Lebanon.

The world had gotten used to hearing US rhetoric that was, for all intents and purposes, full of sound and fury but in the end signifying nothing. All that has changed now. We were attacked. Our blood was shed in our own back yard. It made *most* of us very angry – and we’re simply not gonna take it anymore.

It’s their turn to be afraid now. Their turn to run and try to hide.

Some question the rationale behind preemptive strikes against terrorist groups and rouge nations bent on the destruction of the United States. They say we have no right to seek justice and retribution against those who would do us harm. I have a simple answer to those who would question the justification of taking the conflict to the enemy, where ever they might be:

2,955.

Here endeth the lesson.



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